Will I ever grow up

 I think it’s odd I move just as much as children, can’t focus for long, can’t be still for long, always looking for something to do because I have to keep moving. I feel like a child 🧒 n an adults body. Will I ever grow up and learn how to focus on one task???

I think about those who can’t move their own body any longer. No matter the cause now they can’t move and have to rely on others. They can’t get outside and get any fresh air or see the trees or smell the smog that’s in the air, not unless someone else do that for them. How stressful that must be.

I try hard not to think about things like that but I have seen it and know in my heart it could very well be me one day. Will others be mean to me and make me fell like I really no longer matter or will they try hard and not judge me based on anything. Will they reach down into their spirit and gladly help me to get out of bed and put my teeth in my mouth if I can’t do that for myself. Will they push me outside to just look and move me from room to room so my mind want cramp up. 

I have been consumed with fear and doubt for so long I have a hard time believing in others. I don’t think people really love me, hell I don’t really love myself and I am my own worse nightmare. I feel like I’m a pain to others so I keep my distance so we want have a falling out. 

Who put the monkey in my wrench

It’s hard dealing with the realities of life, love and the pursuits of happiness...

Somebody else don’t like to see you laugh and will throw a monkey in your wrench and call it a bench and laugh at you as you cry...

The coolness of a man can bring down the temperature of an overheated woman

And the hotness of her pussy can heat up the cold dick of a man. That thang, hanging there just swanging, just sitting there catching all the cold air chilling him to the bones, because it just hanging there with nothing but his hands to help keep it warm when he out in public and we offended because he should not touch that thing or else he must want to fuck, maybe it's just cold and he need the warmth of his hand to help keep it from freezing off.

When the heat from the Sun got so hot it exploded, it was Kool that cooled her off, Sun straight up X chromosome. All the estrogen we have to deal with comes from her. We can get so hot in bed the covers have to come off, we can get so frustrated with something, we will yell and be ready to fight. Will argue with a man, hit him and tell him how much we hate him and might wish his ass dead and don't even remember why we were mad in the first place. But will turn around and try hard to fuck his brains out of his head and he the same thing. Why is fucking supposed to fix it all. But, we need to be more than fucked, I can't speak for anyone but myself and I happen to know I need to be caressed and rubbed down with some fucking alcohol sometimes to help cool me off and listened to and taken serious and respected and a whole lot more shit. 

And here he is, can barely perform anymore let alone give some testerone to a woman who need something to help cool her hot ass off, and he even got a fucking problem with BOB and don't want to go to the doctor and this muther fuckers got the nerve to be cheating. So she remains pissed and gets ever hotter because her ole man might can't even get it up a lil bit and want try nothing at all to help cool her off, want even kiss the pussy, he so hard to deal with and blames her because he can't get a hard and she says you should not have been giving all the cock away, the rooster is all gone and he still want even see a doctor to help inflate his dick up at the area where the condom fit around it cutting off the blood flow, but his old cheap ass ashamed to say I can't get a hard and did I mention he want go down but looking for a blow job every day.  

Niggas want even give bitches a hall pass, because they think they own your ass even though you coming home to his can't fuck no more ass, he just want you to suffer to. He just don't get it, he can't keep up, he need help with more than putting his got damn shoes on and he want me to suffer even after I sucked his spaghetti for damn near an hour and he still didn't say thank you. And now there is nothing for me, after all the pussies I have fucking forgiven and you say I better not cheat. Women are suffering like that just to please a man. 

The more Kool rubbed Sun, the hotter she got, melting away his ice and the waters began to run all around her and all she was and all her build up and she got hotter and hotter and hotter and hotter, so damn hot, melted most all of him away, and then she let go without thinking, not knowing what was happening and why does this coldness feel so good to the hotness of my body and BANG, all you see and so much you can't see. And with no eyes, she looked for kool and Kool was gone and she can no longer feel him. With no eyes Kool can see her feel her and listen to her as she calls to him and he answers, and says I hear you my dear Sun, I can even feel you, I can gaze upon your beauty for always, but I can no longer be near you, only in your death. And because of this Kool became Cold and bitter and they lone to be together but know it will never be possible....

Nappy roots

 Why is one hair tangled and another one nappy when they both mean the same thing. Now texture of the hair is something else. I love the difference I see in hair. I can’t believe we still talking about hair and not equality because of the texture of my hair, haters gone hate. You can let them use who you naturally are to bring you down if you want. I’m still trying hard to find my way out of Catholic believe and christanity. I may not belong to your tribe but my tribe was great regardless of the culture nor the color. 

Many have refused to mix with people based on color and not character, I didn’t write it but please read the King James bible, many were scorned and killed all because they refused to bow down before a man who labeled himself as god. What you define as a god is left up to you, but the hatred he had for others was sick and twisted and yet we still begging to be accepted when we want even accept each other and now we have become killers of each other and so perverted we will kidnap children and sell them to the highest bidder. 

Power dear sweet earth to love and help other inspite of how I feel, power not to allow others to change my outlook on life l. I may be jealous and envious but power to want your head in a platter. Power over the urge to want to kill. Watch over others safely that they too will survive. Watch over their most prized possession as you watch over mine while others will kidnap them and sell them as a slave to another. Mother I beg and plead with you, bring them out into the open, bring them dark hearted people out and expose them, what’s done in darkness shall soon come to the light, the bible was filled with nothing but darkness and hatred and evil things done towards others. Many walk in that same darkness each day while worshiping a man who was more than evil....

What in the hell is spectacular

 If spectacular is based on another’s belief you will never find it and will always find yourself looking for something better...